And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
