She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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