if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
