my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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