the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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