Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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