hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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