I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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