I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
