There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
