Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
