she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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