its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
