it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
