don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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