i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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