If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
