Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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