nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my poor anus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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