she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
