hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy