If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.