He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.