Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.