Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

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  (919): I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/250u
  Replies (24) Good night (2812) Bad night (682)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.

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  (832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up. http://tfl.nu/vunl
  Replies (27) Good night (1124) Bad night (1840)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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  (801): Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/ouiw
  Replies (14) Good night (1060) Bad night (5451)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.

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  (904): hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway. http://tfl.nu/oo0k
  Replies (6) Good night (2884) Bad night (761)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (3126) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The key to alley sex is drunkeness.

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  (780): The key to alley sex is drunkeness. http://tfl.nu/zhh3
  Replies (7) Good night (2198) Bad night (784)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds

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  (416): Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds http://tfl.nu/xosv
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (849)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.

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  (902): Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring. http://tfl.nu/d21p
  Replies (4) Good night (386) Bad night (1048)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed

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  (206): Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed http://tfl.nu/3k2a
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (430)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care

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  (918): I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care http://tfl.nu/shwc
  Replies (1) Good night (1325) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.

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  (410): One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes. http://tfl.nu/j23w
  Replies (0) Good night (319) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  The pinata full of drugs?

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  (443): What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing? (1-443): The pinata full of drugs? http://tfl.nu/09ic
  Replies (6) Good night (915) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.

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  (307): The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin. http://tfl.nu/jijz
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (270)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"

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  (604): Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money" http://tfl.nu/398x
  Replies (3) Good night (565) Bad night (223)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.

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  (432): I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling. http://tfl.nu/803g
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (484)

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