it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love you. Go after that dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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