We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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