So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
