a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
