i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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