By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
