btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
