OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
