I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
