apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
