pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
