you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
