The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Someone signed my nipple.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
