her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
