Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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