I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
