ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
