Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just want to make out with him forever
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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