Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
