At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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