standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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