just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
