Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
