she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
