I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
