I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
