3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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