no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
