so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
