I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
