i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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