we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
