and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
