Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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