I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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