i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
