you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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