Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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