OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
