all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
