Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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